Tag Archives: Todd Haley

Frank Martin Makes Me Want To Pee My Pants

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Posted by Lachky on 01/20/2010 – 12:45pm
Filed under Local College

“What does this win mean to me??  It means we won a game on January 18th.  Look, these guys should be proud of the effort they showed tonight, but on Wednesday, they’d better come ready to compete with the same intensity or I WILL DESTROY THEM in practice.”

-Frank Martin after K-State’s win over Texas

Christ, he’s terrifying.

We practice a lot of homerism here in this site.  But we can.  It’s not like we’re journalists or anything.  And other than Asian Schwab, we all pretty much follow the straight path of what I believe is the plurality of  KC Sports fans.  That is, we follow and root HARD for the Royals, Chiefs, and Jayhawks Basketball.  I don’t think we need to apologize for it, but that doesn’t mean that I have to look at KC sports thru any prism other than what a specific sporting event will mean to the teams listed above.

So, with that said, I can say without trepidation that I am completely and utterly horrified of this K-State team.  They are big, they are brash, and they don’t give a FUCK.  They’re like a hockey team out there, and if there were boards on the court, rest assured they’d pull a Sutton/Dupuis any chance they could.

Not to say they’re dirty.  No, they simply play with an attitude that they are going to be more physical than you in every single aspect of the game.  They committed 32 fouls against Missouri.  They committed the same against Colorado, and the Buffs retaliated with 36 of their own, making it the most heavily foul-called basketball game in Big XII history.

While that many fouls might not mean smart basketball, it certainly does mean that K-State is playing a brute style that might not be the most pleasant to play against; at least it wasn’t to Texas on Monday, and certainly won’t be for Kansas in the upcoming Big XII season.   And that’s a reflection on their coach.

Picture this: a young, under qualified coach comes into a head coaching position with almost no relevant experience.  He his thrust into this position mostly for who he knows more than what he can do, and is probably more a product of the players he coached than they of him.  On top of that, he’s a hothead.  He constantly yells at, berates and belittles his players, often times on the playing field.  He’s ornery with the media, and lackluster when he doesn’t have superior players at every position.  Oh, and Jason Whitlock hates him.

Sounds familiar, huh??   But it’s not Todd Haley I’m talking about.  Noooooo.  I happen to be talking about Frank Martin.  Remember this??

“The Wildcats are being swallowed by the enmity, paranoia and feeling of victimization that permeates the K-State fan base and fuels…Frank Martin’s coaching style.”

Or this gem??

“All the game-day, over-the-top negative energy/vulgarity directed at the refs, the opposition…is undermining the Wildcats’ growth.”

And now this:

“[Martin] has a chance to be the Latino/Brown/Cuban John Thompson, college basketball’s groundbreaking Hispanic coaching star.”

Excuse me?? 

Those first two quotes were from columns that Whitlock wrote in Martin’s first season in Manhattan (since deleted from kansascity.com…nice archive, guys).  The last was from today’s paper, imploring new K-State AD John Currie to sign Martin to an extension.

So what’s the difference??

Winning.  That’s it, plain and simple.  It doesn’t really matter what type of coach you are, as long as you win, nobody cares what you do.  Hell, you could shit in a towel as long as you’re tallying points in the “W” column. 

When looking at coaches, it’s important not to look at the reasons why a coach might not be successful, but rather to look at why he is successful.

In the case of both Martin and Haley, Whitlock as focused so intensely on the first that he has forgotten about the latter.  Martin yells and screams, but he relates to his players.  Haley yells and screams, but has a great eye for talent, and knows exactly what he needs out of his players.  There is a reason why these guys were hired.  They know how to coach.

Trust me, the tide will turn for Haley when he gets legitimate talent to work with.  In the mean time might I suggest the beard??

Hell, it seems to be working for RobertoClementeVinceLombarti Martin.  And like I said before…terrifying.

Steel-ing a Victory (It’s a Pun, Get it!?!?)

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Posted by Lachky on 11/23/2009 – 12:22pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

I spent yesterday furniture shopping.  That’s right.  A Sunday in the middle of November walking the vast aisles of cherry wood and leather that is the new Homemakers Furniture Super Center in Urbandale Iowa.  I forwent NFL week 11 to look for dining room tables and area rugs for my new place, and help my roommate find a new mattress*

* Which led to the inevitable “two straight guys lying in the same bed on a showroom making sexual position jokes” which led to the inevitable, “two straight guys nearly getting kicked out of the new Homemakers Furniture Super Center for lying in the same bed on a showroom making sexual position jokes.”

I was not watching football, no sir.  I was lost in the intoxicating madness of zero-percent interest for 24 months and pre-holiday shopping madness.  I didn’t even realize that football was going on until I walked past the HDTV department and saw Brett Favre laughing on the sidelines at the end of the Vikings game (he’s like a kid out there!!), at which point, I decided to open up my cell phone, and see how hard the Chiefs got spanked.

The next two minutes went like this: “Wait…what??  That’s gotta be a misprint.  Overtime?!?!”  I called my dad and he regaled me with like play-by-play beginning with Jovan Belcher’s tackle of Mendenhall on third down.  I shrieked so excitedly when Succop kicked the game-winner, that I got more stares than when I was demonstrating the superiority of the Sealy Posturepedic to the Simmons Beautyrest re: the doggystyle position.

So what’s there to say??  How can I possibly analyze a game that I didn’t even have a vested enough interest in to watch??  Well I can’t…really.  Alls I know is from looking at highlights and statistics, which tell the story of a team that got lucky to the tune of a 97-yard kickoff return and a 94-yard interception return.  But, they still won the game.

I like to view sports thru a statistical lens.  Don’t tell me how much “poise” a QB has, or how much “heart” a defense plays with.  Those are made-up things that manifest themselves by way of sportswriters who can’t think of anything better to write.  Give me something concrete that I can sink my teeth into. 

By that rationale, it doesn’t seem like the Chiefs are getting any better.  Sure they won, but statistically they got their asses handed to them.  They can’t win week-in, week-out with the group of flunkies they keep trotting out.  We already know this.  The stats say so.

But, there was one thing that I saw in the highlights this week that made me go, “Hmmm.”  It was something that was beyond the boxscore, beyond the statistics, and something that I think the Chiefs can truly build on.    At the end of the game, Succop’s field goal sailed thru the uprights, about a dozen Chief’s players immediately went to Todd Haley to give him a bearhug.

So much as been said about Haley being an asshole*, and most of it is probably true.  Thing is, when the Chiefs do succeed, it seems as if they gravitate toward him.  And it doesn’t seem as if it is being done in a sarcastic, “we won despite you being a jackass,” sort of a way.  It seems as if it’s being done in a, “I know you drive us hard, but man, that makes the payoff that much more sweet,” sort of way.  And on top of that, it looked like he actually enjoyed it!!  When Dwayne Bowe dropped a bucket of Gatorade on his dome after his first win in DC, he looked like Haley was about to rip his head off.. .

* Seriously.  Googlefish ‘Todd Haley is.’  The only thing that pre-populates is ‘a jerk.’

And I hate writing stuff like that, because it is not statistical.  It’s not concrete.  There is no smile/frown ratio to reference when making that point.

Still, if a miracle win against a team that thoroughly destroyed you in every was is what is needed for a team to trust their hard-driving head coach, than so be it. 

Hell, he’s even got Jason Whitlock convinced…though I don’t know if that’s just because Whitty’s too exhausted from writing three whole columns in the past week to write anything else…too bad there’s not a stat for that.

Larry Johnson is As Good At Speaking English as He is at Playing Football

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Posted by Lachky on 10/26/2009 – 5:06pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

For those of you who don’t know, your boy Bellwether is a pretty accomplished musician.  I have rocked out with my cock out for years with a few weekend warrior friends over the past few years, and have even released albums and toured the Midwest (in a van!!  RAWK!!). 

Now, I fancy myself as pretty damn good, and do generally take bad reviews with at least a little twinge of anger and jealousy.  Still, though, any well of comebacks that I reach into is utterly devoid of pointlessness.  You see, you’d never catch me in a retort saying something like this:

“Oh, Yeah!?!?  Well my Dad went to college at the University of Illinois in Champaign, and you know who the biggest bar band in Champaign was when he went there??  REO Speedwagon!!  Yeah!!  Think about that the next time you say my bass playing sucks!!  My dad went to the bars in college to watch REO!!”*

* All 100% True, BTW…

And do you know why I would never resort to such folly??  Because I’m not an insane person…but Larry Johnson is!! 

What other conclusion could one draw from these tweets from LJ following the Chief’s 37-7 drubbing at the hands of the Chargers.  Said [sic’d] tweets include:

“my father got more creditentials than most of these pro coaches. … google my father!!!!!!!”

…and…

“My father played for the coach from “rememeber the titans”. Our coach played golf. My father played for redskins briefley. Our coach. Nuthn”

Zing, indeed.

What your father playing for a coach characterized (read: Disney’d-up) by Denzel Washington would have to do with your football acumen is beyond me, but using that as an example of how much more in-tune with the gridiron you are than a man who was breaking down film with one of the most accomplished NFL executives of all time (his father) from the age of six is down right, well…LJ-esque.  

So, I’ll give you a multiple-choice question about where this story goes from here.

1.) LJ apologizes, immediately announces that he will donate half of his 2009 salary to charity.  He also buys the whole team a giant cake (and who doesn’t love cake!!)

2.) LJ shoves Len Dawson to the ground while simultaneously spitting a drink on him and waiving a gun in the air.

3.) LJ returns to the Chief’s locker room, shuns reporters and calls Jamal Charles a faggot. 

(Don’t lie…you actually thought it might be #2 for a second there…)

I’m not going to use this space to rail (any more) on LJ, pontificate on his strange career, or speculate on the fact that said career might soon include a swift departure out of the Chief’s front door.  It is clear that LJ, the most visible hangover (term used literally) from the Carl Peterson era epitomizes everything wrong with this team at the moment: moody, angering, and not at all capable of playing football.  Larry Johnson can suck a cock (no homo).

The Chiefs Mood Counter

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Posted by Lachky on 10/19/2009 – 1:59pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

If you are a denizen of the vast maze of the interwebs as I am – cycling thru the news cycle by way of various sites and links every day – you might have noticed something whilst running across any NBC local affiliate website since the end of July.  It was then that NBC redesigned its local web experience and introduced a “mood counter” for each one of their stories.

It works like this: when you pull up a story on an NBC owned and operated affiliate website, you have the choice in participating in an unscientific mood poll by choosing how the story you are reading makes you feel.  There are six categories: furious, sad, bored, thrilled, intrigued, and laughing.  The results are displayed on the margins and the top of the page.  Pretty simple, right?  Well, since KC doesn’t have an affiliate website, I thought it would be fun to run the mood counter thru the gauntlet of crap that is the Kansas City Chiefs.

Ready?

Chiefs fans are furious at Herm Edwards and Carl Peterson for leaving the cupboard so bare.  Tough this sentiment is losing traction.  Todd Haley’s assertion that he could take 52 guys of the street and win two games in the NFL is looming over this season, and the fact that we won as ugly as we did doesn’t exactly inspire confidence that he’ll reach that goal.  With every pitiful performance, the pendulum on the anger-meter is swinging ever closer to the Pioli/Haley side.

Chiefs fans are sad about the handling of Derrick Johnson.  DJ was hailed as a savior when he somewhat miraculously fell to the Chiefs in the 2005 draft.  His oft-disappearing style of play has marked him as nothing less than a huge disappointment in his time here, but this season, when he’s been on the field, he has contributed.  The problem is that he’s long been in Haley’s doghouse, and his recent up-tick in playing time seems to originate not from an increase in ability, but from an effort to boost his trade value.

It is sad when you know that ¾ of the players on the field are likely to be sent for the trash bin as soon as something better comes along, but this is certainly not the ending foreseen by those who bought a 56 Johnson jersey in the spring of 2005.

Chiefs fans are bored with the season.  Already.  Please, do we really have to care for 12 more weeks??  I guess we do.  It is brutal to watch a team that is in the bottom five in all offensive and defensive categories, but I think that we can all agree that…

…Chiefs fans are thrilled with the fact that we actually won a game.  Hey, whatever else happens this season, at least we’re not going 0-16.

Chiefs fans are intrigued about Russell Okung.  Who?  Get used to hearing it.  The 6’5” 315 lb-er out of Oklahoma State is one of the top LT prospects in the 2010 draft, and is the odds-on favorite to don the Arrowhead next fall.  Say what you want about creating a pass rush, or building a defense, the most glaring weakness on this football team is it’s porous O-Line.  What I’m really intrigued about is how Branden Albert still has his neck intact after giving up 4.5 sacks and getting flagged four times in the first five games.

Chiefs fans are laughing at Haley’s Gatorade shower and post-game weep-fest.  Seriously, guys, act like you’ve been there before.  Though I can’t say that I really blame them.  After all, who knows when we’ll be back in the winner’s circle again.

A*Holes Collide: Haley v. Whitlock

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Posted by Lachky on 09/21/2009 – 10:36pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

One of the cruel twists associated with writing a sports blog, is that when things of a sporting nature happen, you have to give a take, even when you don’t want to.  This is especially true if you write for a very specific section of sport, whether that be idiocy, fishing in Texas, or Herm Edward’s (fake??) perm.  Therefore, for every significant happening in the world that is Kansas City sports, people expect an opinion.  So that’s what we try to bring you.

Sure, we try to enhance it with the tinsel that is unique perspective, sarcasm, and fart jokes, but in actuality, there are not a whole lot of difference in factual content between what you can read here, and what you can get at, say the Kansas City Star.

Unless you’re talking about Jason Whitlock.

If you are talking about Big Sexy, then you’re talking about an agenda driven writer who has no regard for how things work out on the field, and will twist the realities of any given event around his own pre-drawn conclusions.  Par exemplar could very well be today’s article: Haley’s Coaching Performance Was Embarrassing.

Now, I agree that it was not good.  There were mental mistakes, coaching and personnel errors and suspect play calling.  Todd Haley was part & parcel to a discomforting result from Arrowhead Stadium, but it was far, far, FAR from the worst coaching performance anyone has ever seen.

Whitty points out three factors – arrogance, flawed logic and lack of self-control – as being reflective on Haley in the Chief’s bungle, and goes out to provide exactly zero pieces of evidence to back up any of the three planks of his thesis of idiocy.

So, Jason…how did Haley’s arrogance get the best of the Chiefs Sunday??  What’s that??  Nope, a careful pun on Pioli’s last name (Ego-li…get it!!) won’t suffice here!!  But he is arrogant.  Just ask Jason. 

“The arrogance is toxic and counterproductive to winning.”

You see?? 

“Let’s hope Todd Haley spent Sunday night standing in front of a mirror, screaming at himself.” 

Just like he does with his players!!*

* I’ve been looking for a transcript for what Haley was yelling at Brodie Croyle after he was unable to snap the ball after a timeout in week 1, and was flagged for Delay of Game.  I don’t know exactly what it was, but from what I can remember from the CBS cameras, and from what little lip-reading experience I have, I think it went something like this: “Jesus Christ Brodie!!  Snap the fucking ball!!  WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!!  Has anybody ever told you that you look like Demitri Martin??”

So, yelling at your players = arrogance.  And, if they fuck up royally, they had better hold themselves accountable by, I don’t know, admitting and taking the full weight of the performance of the football team.  Too bad Haley is too arrogant to do that.

“We’re going to have a smart team here…how the half ended, I’d say [I didn’t coach smart].  I’m the leader of this football team, and when you have the ball in an area where you can score points and you don’t get points, it’s all going to fall on me.”

BAH-Huhhhhh???  He took responsibility for the loss??  But I thought he was arrogant and dickish?!?!  I mean, Jason Whitlock said so!!  I don’t get it.  I thought Vic Vinegar was coaching the team, Whit, but you’re right…only an A-Hole would say that he’s the leader of a football team.  What an un-self-controlable prick!!

And let’s not forget that the chiefs have cut or traded 31 players from last year’s roster and only THREE of them currently reside on NFL rosters, and one of them is Tony Freaking Gonzalez.  Nope…not important.  Right, Jason??

“[Pioli and Haley are] so caught up in establishing all the little ‘intangibles’ they think create a winning environment that they’ve lost sight of the fact that players win football games — not head coaches or general managers.”

Wait, but…no, I …room spinnin…[bzzzzzbzzzzz] *smack*

[wakes up three hours later]

Sorry, I was having a dream where I was reading a Jason Whitlock column in which he was laying down scant evidence to his claim that Todd Haley (and Scott Pioli) being an asshole (to him) was the reason the Chiefs lost to the Raiders.  Then, while placing the modicum of blame on his ass-holic shoulders, he said something to undercut his entire argument by stating that it’s the players, and not the jackass coach that actually play the games, but the players are reflective of the coach, and if he’s an A-hole then it reflec…uh oh…[bzzzzzbzzzzz] *smack*

[wakes up three hours later]

Sorry, I was having a dream where I was on a fishing trip with Chris Daughtry and he was eaten by a manatee (maybe I should do this more often). 

You see what happened, Jason??  You see what happens when you try to trap me in your maze of pretzel logic??  I can only imagine the vitrol had Whitty been a columnist in Dallas 20 years ago when they went 1-15 and Jimmy Johnson, the architect to the biggest collective group of Assholes ever assembled (the Miami teams of the late 80’s) replaced a LEGEND in Tom Landry.

Now, I’m not saying that we’re going to go out and draft three first-ballot Hall of Famers or anything (unless the Vikings want to give us six draft picks for Larry Johnson…please??), but Jeezis man, these things take time.  What I saw on Sunday was a bad football team, and bad football teams find ways to lose.

But what I also saw was a young QB in Cassel really taking the reins of the offense, and when granted the request of having the game placed on his shoulders, succeeded.  I saw a head coach frustrated by the shortcomings of his players, but also showing genuine excitement for the same ones when they succeeded.  Much in the same way that many missed the boat in thinking that the Baltimore game was a success, many have missed the boat in thinking this one was an abject failure.

If you think that the current regime is not the right one, fine, but you had better have more than circumstantial evidence, and you’d better give it more than two freaking games.  Or how about the Chiefs invite Jason Whitlock to his own personal all-you-can-eat buffet in Pioli’s suite next game??  At least maybe that’ll save the rest of us by discouraging him to write shit like the shit that I read at kansascity.com/sports this morning.

Were We Watching the Same Game??

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Posted by Lachky on 09/14/2009 – 11:54am
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

Wow. That was bad. No, I mean it. It was really bad. I mean, good sweet lord jumpin’ baby-bumpin’ Jeebus that was bad. Not only did we get crushed in every statistical category, not only did we move the ball laughably and fail to get off the field on Third Down, not only did we…well play poorly in every aspect of the game, but we kept the score close enough for people to believe that we are actually decent; that we can [channeling my inner-Jaworski here…wait for it] compete in the National Football League.

The fact that we were tied with just over two minutes left was a testament to how fluky the game of football is, not how good the Chiefs are…because they are not. Good, that is. They are bad. Really bad. The Ravens played half-hearted football for most of the game. There is a saying that in professional sports, you should try not to play to just “flip the switch” and ratchet up the intensity when you need to. Well, that only goes for when you’re playing a good team.  As stated before, the Chiefs are not a good team.

This game reminded me of a Big XII basketball game at Allen Fieldhouse with Baltimore playing the role of Kansas, and the Chiefs playing the role of the under-manned conference foe (Colorado, K-State, Nebraska…any Big XIII opponent, really). What happens every time?? KU gets out to a scorching start; the opponent somehow hangs around and claws back, and in the last five minutes?? Collins for three, Aldrich with a block and an And1 on the other end, and KU wins by a dozen, four starters were in double figures, and they held the opponent to 32% from the field.

The Ravens got off to a great start, played half-assed for three quarters, and turned it up when they needed to. Just as I would advise the Royals front office to look at the stats to make a determination on the ability of the team, I ask you to do the same for the Chiefs:

Yard differential: 313 yards
Play differential: 44 plays
Rushing differential: 169 yards
TOP differential: 19:38

I could go on. Listen, credit the Chiefs for catching a few breaks, but did anybody expect them to cash them in?? Blocked punts and 70-yard interception returns are strokes of luck, not something to count on. Without them, the score would have been more akin to what we all expected, but because we got them, people were all too quick to look past the overwhelming statistical evidence pointing to the fact that we got throttled.*

* I hooked up to 101 The Fox online to listen to the post-game analysis, and seriously, I shit you not, it took 45 minutes before there were any substantive thoughts on the game. Sure, there were updates on games in progress, and reminders that the Post Game Show was right around the corner, but NOTHING until almost an hour after the game, and at that point it was Mitch Holtus at the Baltimore airport sounding like he had more important things to do than talk about the Chiefs, which I never thought I’d say about Mitch Holtus. Of course, I think he had just got done getting probed by airport security due to the fact that Led Dawson gave him a handful of Xanax after the game, and he forgot that he had it in his pocket.

One more thing about the Fox broadcast:

Dear Tompkins Industries,

Just how many Original Equipment Manufacturers are listening to your average Chiefs game?? 10?? 15?? Is it really necessary to let us know twice every fucking commercial break that you have the Midwest’s largest supply of hydraulic hoses and gaskets?? REALLY?? HOLY SANTA CLAUS SHIT!! FUCK ME!! Tompkins, you’ve done it again!! Fuck you, and fuck your showroom on Olathe.

Let’s not kid ourselves. This is a bad football team, and they are going to continue to be bad. Carl Peterson left the cupboard so incredibly devoid of talent that it is going to take years to build any kind of a football team to play at Arrowhead Stadium. But we knew that coming in. Sure we were missing the main cogs of our offense and defense, but am I to expect that that would have helped anything??

The thing that pisses me off it the chatter that this was a good first step for the Chiefs; that this was a moral victory, something to build on. I thought we were past that point. The comments by the coaching staff seemed like they were pleased that we were in the game until the end, then took a look at the stat sheet, and were summarily in disbelief that we were as close as we were. I have a feeling their tune will change once they take a look at the film.

At least I expected Whitlock, with his Hater-ade propensity, to lash the good coach Haley, but he seemed dumbfounded that we were actually in it for most of the game. It’s as if he said, “Well, hey…at least we didn’t get our asses kicked.” Um, well…yes, we did. And if you don’t think we did, then I have a shortstop I’d like to trade you for your top-pitching prospect.

Abandon Ship!!

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Posted by Lachky on 09/01/2009 – 11:51am
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs, Kansas City Royals

I had the pleasure of watching the Royals play last night. Holy craaaap is that a shit show.

Got to see Luke Hochaver back up a relay throw then saunter back to the mound with his head down while the batter went from first to third before he noticed the play was still going on. Then, John Bale comes in in relief, promptly loads the bases with one out, gets a comebacker, and instead of going home, he inexplicably spins toward second base…and throws the ball into right field. That’s right, I said right field, not center field.

I guess it wasn’t so inexplicable…he does play for the Royals after all.

Quote Bob Dutton of the KC Star this morning: “Just 31 more games, Royals fans. Thirty-one freakin’ games….”

I don’t really know the reason that I’m writing this this morning. If you want the stories of hilarious ineptitude, read Poz’s bolg. If you want mindless optimism, read Rany. If you want the white flag, read Craig Brown.

It’s hard for me to even muster a fart joke.

But here’s one anyway: The Royals have just extended Dayton Moore thru 2014.

This seems to me like more of a death sentence than a vote of confidence. Moore has made so many inexplicable moves over the past 12 months that nobody would be able to lead the Royals out of the cavern of bad contracts and less than average talent that they are currently in.

I could go thru every move, pointing out why each was such a reach, and how any dummy could have seen the contracts given to Guillen, Jacobs, Farnsworth, etc. would blow up like the Hindenburg, but that’s not really the point.

Point is, this is the team that has been built, and the team that we are unfortunately going to be stuck with for the 2010 season. The payroll is already tied up with the contracts mentioned earlier, so there are very little changes that can actually be made. Moore played his hand before the beginning of this season, and that hand had burst into flames…you might as well keep him holding the cards.

I can only believe that, like any other person in sports, nothing hurts more to Dayton Moore than losing. Firing him is not a punishment. Ensuring that he goes down with the ship is.

Not everybody can be fortunate enough to find a life raft. This week’s lucky recipient of the “Get out of Jail Free” card?? Chan Gailey!!

Todd Haley will for now take over the Chiefs play-calling dooty (spelling correct).  So, firing your Offensive Coordinator before the season even starts does not exactly inspire confidence in your team or fan base, but seriously, what did you expect??

Whitlock would have you believe that this was a move inspired only by Haley’s arrogance, and unwillingness to listen to anybody but himself, and if this were the case, Gailey should have been let go at the end of last season.

But, you have to think that these two men, being professionals, thought that they could at least get close to getting on the same page. While we now know that this isn’t the case, would you have rather gone into the regular season hanging on to a relationship that you knew wasn’t going to work??

I tend to take the side of Larry Johnson in this particular case. He believes that these two men, having had success in the NFL before, were too bullheaded to co-exist in the same offensive scheme, and the sooner they got out of the way of each other, the better.

There’s no need to drag a dysfunctional relationship out into the regular season. This franchise has had a penchant for dragging those relationships out for years longer than necessary; it’s good to see we’re not making the same mistake again.

Still, the honeymoon for Haley and Pioli seems to coming to a close. We all knew the Cheifs were going to suck, but we at least thought there would be some modest improvement. We’ll see how good the tough-guy act works when after we get smoked 37-3 by the Giants.

Look at the bright side, though…at least Chan got to keep his jaw as a parting gift.

Your Obligatory Report from River Falls

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Posted by Lachky on 08/04/2009 – 3:55pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

In this time of great anguish, pining away at the throes of another disheartening eddy of suckitude in the river of baseball glory, we wait, us faithful Kansas City sports fans, for late July, and the opening of a week of great expectation, endless possibility, and men the size of houses wheezing thru two-a-days. Ahh, yes, it is time once again for the opening of NFL training camps; players toiling away under the hot sun, veterans linking mentally with newly brought-on “chums”, and coaches littering the eardrums of the surrounding enthusiasts with a never-ending barrage of four-letter words. Dreams; yet to be dashed. Promise; as yet unrealized. Effort; thick in its unbridled enthusiasm.

Alright. Enough of this Ernest Hemingway shit. I need to cleanse my palate.

There…that’s better*

* That link was originally the now infamous Tiger Woods fart video which the PGA has apparently erased LeBron-itized from the internernet’s collective unconscious.  So unfair.

For once in the past 20 years, the Chiefs and Royals, neighbors sharing a common parking lot, started their seasons on opposite ends of the spectrum. The Royals, coming off of a promising second half of 2008 looked like they were poised to make a run. The Chiefs, coming off of a shit-tastic 2008, need to start from scratch.

And not that that’s a bad thing. Enthusiasm in River Falls is tempered for a second straight year; most knowing full well that Arrowhead will not be playing host to the AFC Championship game come January. We all know that a new regime breeds analysis as soon as the players hit the field: How will Haley coach? When will Tyson Jackson sign? Will Jason Whitlock find enough to eat? (YES).

NFL Camps breed positive stories, and really, from afar, this camp seems to be going just about the way I expected. Haley will be more hard-core than Herm (ie: more F-Bombs). LJ and Brian Waters will show up and work hard. Cassell will take the reigns and look sharp. A free agent signing here. An injury there.

And, there’s always one player who gets sent to the proverbial doghouse.

A year ago, the chiefs saw Glenn Dorsey as the cog in an A+ draft. Some gurus had him as their top rated player. Nobody could believe he’d slip down to #5. On him and Branden Albert, the Chiefs had pinned their rebuilding hopes. Alas, a year later, Dorsey appears undersized, out of position, and out of shape.

After failing his initial conditioning test, Haley has had Dorsey pushing tackling dummies, hauling equipment and furniture, and riding a stationary bike while the rest of the team practices. There were six players in total who failed the test, and while the others have been able to make it back with their teammates, Dorsey has remained in purgatory.

It’s understandable that a new head coach would want to make an example of somebody, but it being the #1 pick from a year ago sends a serious message that nobody is immune from being held accountable, lest they risk public humiliation. On top of that, Haley is making it clear that this is not just a ceremonial benching:

“If you’re not on the field practicing, you can’t help me do my job.”

Ouch. Considering Haley is the man holding him off the practice field, it seems as if Dorsey has a long climb ahead of him. Not only does he have to make a strong impression on the new coaching staff and teammates, but he also has to convert from a DT in a 4-3 to a DE in a 3-4.

I don’t think anybody was asking Dorsey to step up and be the leader of the defense (at least not yet), but not being able to take advantage of PT to mesh with the now de-facto leaders, Zach Thomas and Mike Vrabel, has got to hurt.

Still, the lack of practice time might be more lip service than anything else. Tyson Jackson is not yet signed and with the team, and the responsibility for this falls right into the lap of Scott Pioli. Jackson is eager to sign and get into camp.

The reason for his not being there is not greediness on Jackson’s part, or a lack of willingness to sign, but rather Pioli waiting for Aaron Curry to sign with Seattle so that he can make sure the Chiefs don’t over-pay. So, according to the men in charge, saving a few bucks when you have plenty to spend is more significant than getting your first-rounder into camp. But I’m okay with that.

You figure there has to be some line drawn in the sand when the money issue becomes secondary to Jackson getting on the field, and once that line is crossed, Jackson will be signed.  This makes me think even more that Haley’s words are aimed directly at Dorsey. He’d just better hope he’s not still peddling when his old LSU teammate hits town.

Tuesday = Newsday

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Posted by Lachky on 07/28/2009 – 1:30pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs, Kansas City Royals

Time for a good hodge-podge post.  Full of all sorts of fun stuff, and very little substantive analysis.  I do have a fairly big Royals post to put up, hopefully by the end of the week.  Until then, enjoy some odds and ends from this fabulous Tuesday in sports.

Good for Billy

The lone offensive bright spot for the Royals this season continues to be Billy Butler, who last night had his first career five hit game.  Billy has a 116 OPS+ and a very respectable .356 OBP.  His top BR comp thru age 22 was Keith Hernandez, but his top career comp continues to be Ken Harvey.  If he lands somewhere in between those two, he would end up with a pretty decent career*.  Even so, Billy, I would highly encourage you to grow a moustache and sleep with Elaine Benes…it couldn’t hurt.

* I just read that sentence again…god, it sucks to be a Royals fan…

Let’s change gears and have a little quiz:

Player 1: .286/.340/.434/.774

Player 2: .276/.299/.390/.689    

Just know that two years ago, we were about to trade player one for player two.  Of course you can guess that player one is Billy, and player two is Yuniesky Betancourt.  Yes, the Yunieski Betancourt who is hitting .143/.139/.200/.339 with a –11 OPS+ since moving over to the Royals.  I know, I know…blah, blah…he sucks ad nauseam. 

Now we’re looking at a game where we have 14 hits, and yet only manage to score 5 runs as a positive.  You don’t have to look too far to realize that somebody with a higher batting average than on base percentage might be part of the problem, and you don’t have to look much further than that to realize that giving up our 2008 minor league pitcher of the year to get him (and he’s an upgrade to what he had there before) could very possibly suggest that we have a front office that might not really know the best way to put together a major league roster.

But this guy does!!

At Least We’re Not the Mets Pt. II

Unwilling to let his VP of Player Development run unopposed for the Mayor of Batshitcrazytown, Mets GM Omar Minaya yesterday used all of his cognitive skills to draw insaney-like conclusions as to why a reporter would, well…report news.

It seems as if Adam Rubin, New York Daily News’ Mets beat writer, is the one who broke this story about VP Tony Bernazard going all Real World Obligatory Drunk Fight on a AA shortstop.  Well, with turning a blind eye to the fracas no longer an option, the organization had to pull the plug on Bernazard’s employment.

Given that Bernazard wasn’t exactly a favorite (sans Minaya) within the organization, death-match proposal aside, it seemed pretty logical that he would be canned.  And he was.  But, the intrepid GM had his own thoughts on Mr. Rubin’s intentions.

Minaya used flawless logic to connect the dots between Rubin’s story, and his seemingly obvious ulterior motive.  You see, at some point in the past, Rubin had either a sit-down meeting or a conversation in passing with team COO Jeff Wilpon.  The nexus of said meeting??  What it takes to get a job in the front office of a major league team.  And apparently, Wilpon wasn’t the only one subject to Rubin’s querys. 

Says Rubin:

“I covered the minor leagues back in the ’90s, the Birmingham Barons, the White Sox double-A team, actually when [current Mets manager] Jerry [Manuel] was the White Sox skipper — so I would ask them, probe them, about how do you get jobs in baseball. If you ever kind of hear about anything in baseball that might be suitable, how do you go about pursuing a job like that? But that was the extent of it.”

Seems logical to someone who isn’t insane.  But Omar Minaya is.  Evidence??  Accusing Rubin of intentionally digging the story out, reporting it, having it directly lead to Bernazard’s sacking, all for the purposes of taking his job.  Fortunately, Rubin called him out on it, causing Minaya to stick his foot in his mouth worse than Mikey.

At least he didn’t sign Mo Vaughn for $100 Million or anything.

Sigh…how ‘bout football??

Bush & Tush = Kaput

If a highly-touted, generationally talented running back who probably accepted close to $100,000 of tainted under the NCAA table funds while in college*, and subsequently has never, and probably will never, reach his once near-unanimously touted once-in-a-lifetime potential and a skanky, overly-ass-tastic, vacuous, only famous for her self-promoted sex-video made with an R&B singer that nobody knows about and reality show made with a family that nobody cares about can’t make it…well, then what hope is there for the rest of us??

* The end of that particular hyperlink was the word “bushprobe.”  If I even attempt a joke here, I think my head would explode.

If I knew nothing of physics, and therefore no knowledge of what a black hole was, you could probably convince me that a black hole was made up not of pure gravitational energy, a point of infinite density at the event horizon, but rather was a theory of what would happen to your brain upon repeated viewings of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” I don’t see any way that I wouldn’t believe you.

But I won’t let this take descend into a sophomoric jibe against the inane E! stars.  I won’t make a Khloe Kardashian Chewbacca joke.  I won’t compare Bruce Jenner’s face to my mother’s tuna-noodle casserole.  Can’t do it!!  Won’t do it!!  This blog will not sink down to that level!!

No, these two fine, upstanding citizens deserve to go on with their lives.  Their breakup was amicable, and since there was no foul play or cheating involved, I’ll…

…wait…

what’s this??

Aww, Geezis…that burns…in the worst way…

Wanna be a balla??  Shot calla??

Todd Haley says, “Eh, no thanks.”  Haley, Kansas City Chief’s first year head coach has resigned his play-calling duties to offensive coordinator Chan Gailey.  Gailey, the only marginally sufficient cog left over from the shit bucket that was the 2008 Cheifs, will try to repeat the magic trick that he pulled with KC’s O last year.

Really, who else but Gailey gets credit for turning a kid from Costal Carolina who shouldn’t be let any closer to an NFL field that Jason Whitlock into a competent starter behind center.  Of course, while this year we are without pizza boy’s favorite target, we do have a legit starting QB, which will allow us to move the ball on offense without having to rely on gimmicks.

Also, it seems as if precedent played a role in Haley’s decision to relinquish the responsibilities.  The move is similar to what Ken Whisenhunt did when he came on board as the Cardinal’s captain, giving Haley play-calling responsibilities despite having called the plays for a team just taken to the Super Bowl.

On top of that, while ruminating on this decision, Haley reached out to both Whisenhunt and Bill Parcells.  Amazing.  Not that he would actually do that…well…yeah, that he would actually do that.

Due to being virtually shut out of Arrowhead since Scott Pioli’s arrival, most of the media is taking a very cautious look at the Chief’s front office.  The skepticism is running at a record high, and is unlikely to come down until the season starts.  I see one of two things happening:

1.) The Chiefs are only letting certain information out in an effort to control the media.  The less info the better, and good news will look better because there’s no bad news to compare it to.

or

2.) We’re running a football team.  It’s none of your damn business.

These are not dumb men, but they have a football team to run.  In an age in KC sports when incompetence is at an all-time high, it’s nice to see that there are guys who might actually be doing things right.

I tend to think that what’s going on at Arrowhead is #2.  Let’s just hope that come November, we’re not using the same number to describe the product on the field.

Jason Whitlock Whines: “I’m Not Whining.”

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Posted by Lachky on 06/08/2009 – 12:47pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

Our friend Jason has a little poopie in his pants this morning due to the fact that, over the weekend, Scott Pioli didn’t ease his un-ease over the new direction of the Kansas City Chiefs.  And how did Pioli and his minions shamefully rebuke his thought-out player/personnel suggestions this time?  Apparently, they wouldn’t let him within 100 yards of the buffet table practice field.

Ole’ Whitty proceeds to write a column slathered in sarcasm (and barbeque sauce, probably [ZING!]), that shakes his finger sternly at the new administration: Keep this up, and I’ll stop coming around.  Be careful what you ask for Jason…the Chiefs might actually take you up on your offer.

Rumor is that Todd Haley was more apt to let Gonzo skate after a sit-down meeting with the new head coach turned into a suggestion session with Tony’s takes on everybody from the punter to the pizza boy.  The message out of Arrowhead is clear and consistent: this is our show, and nobody is gonna tell us how to do things around here.

Well, the new sheriff has agitated the #1 Chiefs Agitator in Whitty, but that was inevitable.  I don’t think any of us believed we would make it even this long without being conflict-free (though the warning signs have been there).

Still we must ask; while the argument was made in typical Whitlock fashion, is it not salient?  And here’s the answer: Who knows.  And here’s another one: Who cares.

Are organizations that cut out the media ones that are more successful than those who keep the doors open?  The problem with a question like this is that there is no accurate, objective way to too vote ‘aye’ or ‘nay.’  To the average fan, sports journalism is way more squak than talk, and whether or not the media is getting treated fairly is secondary (and waaaaaaay down on the list) to the number in the left-hand column.

Plus, the only way that we know whether or not the media is being dealt with unjustly is through the accounts of the media members themselves, in which case they will, in all probability, be substantially biased, evidenced by how Whitlock’s ham-handed attempt at a pot-shot will be quickly shrugged off of Pioli’s shoulders.

Chiefs fans don’t care how far away media members have to stand from the practice field.  We don’t care how short Whitlock’s stay will be in River Falls this year.  The only people who do are Jason Whitlock and the resturaunteurs lamenting the absence of his waistline.

Also…Jason Whitlock is fat (ZING!).