Look at that!!  It’s time for the Olympi–oh, shit…

Just in time for the quad-year celebration of all things winter and Olympic-ey, Nodar Kumaritashvili goes and breaks his freaking everything on a luge practice run on the Whistler Sliding Centre (the extra ‘e’ lets you know it’s Canadian).  What a freaking bummer.

And that’s the least of it.  Olympic organizers, already under pressure to justify the speed, turns, and overall dangerousness of the supposedly “fastest track ever,” now have to answer for their decisions to limit the practice time for foreigners on the Olympic venues in the months leading up to the games in order to give an advantage to the native Canadian teams. 

But, far from me to question the integrity of the games, or grandstand on a moral pulpit; I mean, if NBC’s not going to do it, why should I??  After all, there are advertisers to keep happy!!  So, let’s get on with the celebration!!  And by celebration, I mean, let’s bore everybody to death with chiseled actors dressed up like Squanto dancing around pointlessly!!  Oops, I mean, native Inuits…native Inuits.

I went over to a friend’s house last night for a little opening ceremony party, which consisted of the following three things:

1.)    Watching the Winter Olympic Opening Ceremony
2.)    Getting uproariously drunk
3.)    Turning off the Winter Olympic Opening Ceremony

Actually, there’s something to be said for these faux-celebrations of humanity; it’s fun seeing the little countries with one guy waiving the flag of Tajikistan.  Actually, what I like more are the countries like Azerbaijan that only have two participants.  How shitty would you feel if you were the one who didn’t get to carry the flag??

* This has nothing to do with anything, but I would be remised if I didn’t mention: Somebody needs to (NEEDS to) please, for the love of God, punch this man in the face.  Seriously…like, now.    

It’s tough because there’s no way anyone’s going to top the pageantry of the ’08 Summer Olympic Opening Ceremony.  I mean, when you leave things in the hands of drunken hosers instead of hundreds of thousands of Chinese performing under the slavery of communism, then what is there to really look forward to?? 

I’ll tell you what: potheads!!

That’s right!!  If there’s one thing that all of the countries of the world can come together to celebrate, it’s not the olive branch of peace, the spectacle of international competition, or the hope for all that is brought forth thru sportsmanship.  Nope.  It’s all of that fine, fine British Columbian kind bud.  Mmmm.

Now don’t get me wrong.  It takes an ass-load of skill and guts to do a McTwist on a halfpipe, or careen thru a Super G, or fly down a luge track at 90 mph. 

But when your “Olympic athletes” are saying stuff like this about how it feels to be an Olympian:

“Try to imagine Pegasus mating with a unicorn and the creature that they birth. I somehow tame it and ride it into the sky in the clouds and sunshine and rainbows. That’s what it feels like.”

Kind of takes away from the whole majesty of the ancient Greeks, doesn’t it??

Of course, they never had to luge.  If only they had better pot.

Ed. Note: Look forward to Logg’s Olympic Hockey/Curling preview coming early next week.