While I understand that the validity of these picks may be questioned being that we are halfway through the second games of the day, I would implore you to look at the results. You will see that they were clearly picked prior to now. Unfortunately, I had some technical issues this morning (like drinking too much gin last night) which did not allow me to post them before I left for the Rams game.
So anyway, Bellwether wanted to give me some tips this week. So I will post his picks, and then let you know what I think. Here goes week 3…
Bellwether Johnson: So, with all of that said, Logg has, after three weeks, convinced me to try to beat him. I promise not to spend more than 3 seconds thinking about any pick with one rule: none of that “I think the mascot’s cute!” bullshit that your female coworkers use for their NCAA pools. Plus, I just learned what it means to take a team who’s “getting points on the road,” so that’s fun.
BJ: NY JETS (-3) vs. Tennessee – Mark Sanchez is banging Hilary Rhoda, and Hilary Rhoda is pretty freaking hot. (One pick in, and I’ve broken my one rule…fuckit.) LOGG: If Mark Sanchez rolls to 3-0, I’ll bang him. Give me the TITANS and the points.
BJ: HOUSTON (-3.5) vs. Jacksonville – Man is Andre Johnson good. I keep waiting for Mike Ditka to refer to him as “ballerina-esque.” My Tivo is giddy. LOGG: Houston has no defense, just like Bellwether in his lust for Eliza Dushku. I’ll take the JAGS.
BJ: PHILADELPHIA (-7.5) vs. Kansas City – I guess Whitlock loves Todd Haley again, plus the Chiefs are “getting points on the road.” (See how fun that is!!) LOGG: I agree here; it can’t really be this bad, can it? CHIEFS.
BJ: BALTIMORE (-13) vs. Cleveland – Because I just finished watching the first season of The Wire, it take place in Baltimore, and it is (supposedly) the greatest show ever produced (it’s actually really freaking good), I will give this take: “Where’s the points, String?!?! WHERE’S THE POINTS??!!” LOGG: Ace Of Cakes also takes place in Baltimore. That doesn’t mean that the Browns will lose by that much. Give me the DAWGS.
BJ: NY Giants (-6.5) vs. TAMPA BAY – Plax Burress could be out of jail in as little as 20 months for good behavior. I’m assuming this is contingent upon him not accidentally shanking himself in the thigh on the way to the shower room. LOGG: You know, if that bullet had hit someone else instead of himself, he’d probably be eligible to play this week. Take the GIANTS.
BJ: Washington (-6.5) vs. DETROIT – I like pronouncing Detroit the French way: “Dae’twah,” because it sounds like something you wipe your butthole with, which is, I think, very fitting, in a Detroit way. LOGG: They can’t lose forever. Okay, they can’t fail to cover forever. I like the LIONS.
BJ: Green Bay (-6.5) vs. ST LOUIS – You remember that “If They Mated” sketch they used to do on Conan where they mashed up two celebrity faces?? If Jim and Ryan from The Office were ever mashed together, it would look like Aaron Rodgers…and that’s gotta be worth something, right?? LOGG: I’ll be at this game, maybe they’ll do something on the scoreboard like that. PACKERS it is.
BJ: MINNESOTA (-7) vs. San Francisco – Did you guys know that Mike Singletary used to play the defense?? It’s True!! And San Francisco plays the defense, too!! I know!! LOGG: I hate the Vikings and all Vikings fans. NINERS.
BJ: NEW ENGLAND (-4) vs. Atlanta – If you take away his two 4Q drives against Buffalo, Tom Brady is completing less than 56% of his passes, and has 0TD and 2INT (Sorry…got into a little bit of actual football analysis there. We’ll try to get back to being more dick-jokey). LOGG: Penis. PATS. Boo ya!
BJ: Denver (-1) vs. OAKLAND – ‘Cause Fuck Denver, that’s why. (There…that’s better) LOGG: Fuck yeah! I’m with ya’ on this one. RAIDERS.
BJ: Chicago (-1.5) vs. SEATTLE – That is, unless Seneca Wallace starts sportin’ these bad boys on his wheels. LOGG: Name the greatest quarterback to ever play for the mighty mighty Cyclones. That’s who I am taking. SEACHICKENS.
BJ: New Orleans (-6) vs. Buffalo – Kim Kardashian dyed her hair recently, which I think makes her look like a slightly hotter vacuous whore! This makes it that much easier to define Reggie Bush’s career using the Memo Paris Corollary, which: why is everybody not defining Reggie Bush’s career using the Memo Paris Corollary?!? LOGG: Um, that should cover it. Thanks BJ. SAINTS.
BJ: SAN DIEGO (-6) vs. Miami – Can we please stop referring to LaDanian Tomlinson as “LT”?? I don’t care how many touchdowns he scores, there is, always and forever, one and only one LT: Lawrence Tynes. LOGG: why won’t people let the LT thing go? You lose the rights to the name when you star in any Adam Sandler movie. I still like the CHARGERS.
BJ: Pittsburgh (-4) vs. CINCINNATI – If you were an NFL wide receiver and wore number 85, and Chad Eight-Five were traded to your team, how much would you demand for the jersey number?? One million?? Two million?? LOGG: Do you think Big Ben is required to have a coach stay in his room with him on all road trips? I do. STEELERS win.
BJ: ARIZONA (-2.5) vs. Indianapolis – Did you know that Peyton and Eli Manning have an older, non-football playing older brother named Cooper?? If youd’ve asked me, I would have guessed his name was Rosemary Kennedy Manning. LOGG: Someone get Leinert out of the hot tub; this one gets ugly early. COLTS.
BJ: DALLAS (-9) vs. Carolina – Let’s see…where do I go with this one?? Punts hitting scoreboard?? Over/Under 20 interceptions for Romo/Delhome?? Jessica Simpson in mom jeans?? Jessica Simpson in mom jeans. LOGG: I would have gone with Jerry Jones in mom jeans. COWBOYS roll.
Last week: 8-8
Season: 15-17
