Greinke’s awesome.  His fiancé is smoking.  The Royals have won six of seven.  They drew 32,000 fans to Tha Kaye on a Thursday afternoon.  BO-RING!!  I wish I could write something about it.  I really do.  And don’t get me wrong.  I love, love, LOVE what our “little team that could” is doing.  I have die-harded-ly followed these guys for the majority of my natural life.  I have the Royals 2005 schedule still to this day in my wallet with every W and L tabulated on the date the game was played.*  So I have decided not to analyze this season up to this point.  The only justice I would end up serving by doing that is dick & fart jokes, and lord knows these guys deserve much more than that.  Rob & Rany I am not.

* with August 9 completely blacked out with ink.  If you’re a true fan, you know why…and you will know because of that fact that I am one too.

Unfortunately, that leaves a little void in this commentarium.  Fortunately, sometimes the gods smile upon you with a little gem like this:

Dolphins home will be LandShark Stadium as part of deal with Buffett

Now I first heard of this crap-tacular stadium name on Wednesday’s edition of PTI.  In-between Wilbon telling me about Racquel Welch and Kornheiser telling me about American Idol (you know…sports), they mentioned the name, and I thought “stupid.” And that was that.  I figured it was some marketing stunt that was bound to fail.  Well, it is.  But the better part is that it is bound to fail more spectacularly that even I could have imagined possible.

Yesterday I clicked on the above link, and while the story was loading, several possibilities of what exactly it meant popped into my head in the form of questions:

1.) What in the hell is Warren Buffett doing purchasing a football stadium?

2.) Is Ajit Jain a really big Dolphins fan, and we just didn’t know it?

3.) Will the Nebraska Furnature Mart that Buffet will most likely replace the stadium with draw more fans than last night’s Marlins game?

Well, it turns out that the Oracle of Omaha is not the Buffett in the story. It’s much more hilarious than that. Nope…we’re talking about Jimmy Buffett. Yes…that one. There are several different things that I learned from reading this story.

- Fans of Jimmy Buffett are called “Parrotheads.” See, and all this time, I was thinking they were called “Slacks-layden douchebags,” and if they were male and under 50, they were called “gay.”

- Buffett penned a new song called “Fins” in tribute to the Dolphins (Get it?). It was better than the first title: “Nick Saban go to hell.”

- Dolphins owner Stephen Ross said, “We’re going to be associated with Jimmy Buffett forever…That’s what the important thing is.” There’s no joke here…I think the quote suffices.

- The stadium is named after Buffet’s beer Slacks-layden Douchebag  Lager LandShark Lager.

Buffet ended his statement to the media by saying “All I can add is, let the Fin begin!” Jimmy Buffet + aquatic puns = winning football. Unless he meant “Fin” in the way they end French films. In which case, the end is nigh…but, of course, that is evidenced by the fact that they are renaming Joe Robbie Stadium after Jimmy Buffett’s beer. What are they going to do at halftime?? Have Garth Brooks sing “Friends in Low Places” on the jumbo-tron??

…and you wonder why the terrorists hate us…