For those of you who don’t know, your boy Bellwether is a pretty accomplished musician. I have rocked out with my cock out for years with a few weekend warrior friends over the past few years, and have even released albums and toured the Midwest (in a van!! RAWK!!).
Now, I fancy myself as pretty damn good, and do generally take bad reviews with at least a little twinge of anger and jealousy. Still, though, any well of comebacks that I reach into is utterly devoid of pointlessness. You see, you’d never catch me in a retort saying something like this:
“Oh, Yeah!?!? Well my Dad went to college at the University of Illinois in Champaign, and you know who the biggest bar band in Champaign was when he went there?? REO Speedwagon!! Yeah!! Think about that the next time you say my bass playing sucks!! My dad went to the bars in college to watch REO!!”*
* All 100% True, BTW…
And do you know why I would never resort to such folly?? Because I’m not an insane person…but Larry Johnson is!!
What other conclusion could one draw from these tweets from LJ following the Chief’s 37-7 drubbing at the hands of the Chargers. Said [sic’d] tweets include:
“my father got more creditentials than most of these pro coaches. … google my father!!!!!!!”
…and…
“My father played for the coach from “rememeber the titans”. Our coach played golf. My father played for redskins briefley. Our coach. Nuthn”
Zing, indeed.
What your father playing for a coach characterized (read: Disney’d-up) by Denzel Washington would have to do with your football acumen is beyond me, but using that as an example of how much more in-tune with the gridiron you are than a man who was breaking down film with one of the most accomplished NFL executives of all time (his father) from the age of six is down right, well…LJ-esque.
So, I’ll give you a multiple-choice question about where this story goes from here.
1.) LJ apologizes, immediately announces that he will donate half of his 2009 salary to charity. He also buys the whole team a giant cake (and who doesn’t love cake!!)
2.) LJ shoves Len Dawson to the ground while simultaneously spitting a drink on him and waiving a gun in the air.
3.) LJ returns to the Chief’s locker room, shuns reporters and calls Jamal Charles a faggot.
(Don’t lie…you actually thought it might be #2 for a second there…)
I’m not going to use this space to rail (any more) on LJ, pontificate on his strange career, or speculate on the fact that said career might soon include a swift departure out of the Chief’s front door. It is clear that LJ, the most visible hangover (term used literally) from the Carl Peterson era epitomizes everything wrong with this team at the moment: moody, angering, and not at all capable of playing football. Larry Johnson can suck a cock (no homo).
